dishusbandmata

God sent I had gotten married in my twenties to who I thought was the love of my life. We are both  of the same race. The relationship wasn’t without its issues during our courtship but I thought no relationship was perfect we only need to work through our issues. I had my first child a month after my wedding. Then it became a very turbulent marriage. We had a lot of issues but I will leave that story for another time. Fact forward six years later the marriage hit the rocks and I became a single mother of a boy and girl. They meant the world to me. With them I was more than content. I was in Europe with my children but had to return home to Africa when we had immigration challenges. I went back home to my family, we were received with open arms, they were very supportive especially in caring for my kids. We had a roof over our heads, we never thought about where the next meal will come from which is one beautiful thing about African culture. After a while my kids lived with t

When people from different Countries or Continents get into a relationship, differences are kind of obvious.  The minute you realise you have feelings for someone ‘different’, all kinds of questions begin to go off in your head like ‘what will my family say?’, or if you are as brutally honest as I tend to be, maybe a more basic question like “would Valentine’s Day be flowers and chocolate, or tickets to see Basketmouth live!?” I’m chatting with this guy who believes I will be his wife.  I ask him “why did you end your last relationship?”  “She was rude” was his reply.  Alarm bells went off in my head. What exactly is that supposed to mean? His ex-girlfriend just happened to be someone I knew from my past; one of those seniors I avoided in Secondary school, as she was a no-nonsense type of girl, but we had a few things in common.  I asked myself “ would I have to watch my tongue so consciously if I maintained a relationship with this person?”   I really want to be free in my own ho

Growing up, I had a vivid image of what my ideal relationships would look like. I’d date a guy who looked like. Someone who definitely wasn’t younger but at most 5 years my senior (yes, I was really that specific. I wasn't even willing to settle for someone my exact age). I remember seeing a married couple with what I considered an age gap. I didn’t like the way I felt like he could be her father and it automatically just put me off much older guys. Plus, it didn’t help that there were a lot of “uncles” who were just creepy! I am aware that these set preferences were formed in my mind from what I saw around me and what I perceived as acceptable. But it shocked me when I recently took stock and realised the two guys I had dated in the past were younger than I. Now I know that might not be a big deal for some, but I have always thought that age was a hard set in my preferences. I honestly felt like a cougar, even before I knew what it was! I mean the guys were only a year or tw

The above was the title of a British sitcom that aired in the late 70s' to early 80s' which I remember watching as a child. I do not claim to have understood all of it especially with the insurmountable barrier of  the British accent  then but there was a song associated with the programme which I still recall as  “mixed blessings for you and me” . This sitcom was meant to show the difficulties associated with inter racial marriages as portrayed by a black and white newly wed couple. Little did I know that later on in my life, I would be surrounded by close friends  who would choose love courageously above race without looking back .In short in the past year, I have had two friends marry white guys &yes, I have also begged them to share their story, so make sure you watch this space . While these choices may be a bold step in the right direction, it is not one that should be taken lightly as the challenges of race divide affecting culture, communication and mannerisms