dishusbandmata

“ Na oversabi wife dey call her husband    daddy” I remember the first time I heard that phrase used. I was actually puzzled about it because I knew many wives that called their husbands daddy. Some have done it out of courtesy as children have been born and children being children usually pick up the names they hear us call another and in an African setting or even majority of cultures, it would be disrespectful for a child to refer to his/her parents by their first name at some point in their lives , so some women have virtually had to use the name daddy for their husbands because of the children and then inadvertendly have gone on to call their husbands daddy . For some other women, it is not because  of the children that they have adopted the name daddy but because the man actually has grown up into the role of probably the first male figure she knew. There is something about fathers and daughters and we may say the same for mothers and their sons but since I a...

I stopped by at my parents’ home a few weeks ago and met my family having some chill time in the living room.   Daddy was having dinner, and just because I turned up, he passed his almost finished dinner to me and said “here, I know you like this.”   I thought he just left me some soup, or was indirectly giving me his plate to wash, but a closer inspection revealed he had indeed left me a big piece of meat – snail to be exact – which I happen to really like.   It was a good day to visit home! My Dad and I have a simple relationship.   Nothing over the top or extra special but at the same time not completely dormant.   I’m not sure he knew how to relate to me properly once I became a teenager and even in my thirties, he is yet to figure it out.   But I’m ok with that.   Sometimes it feels a little weird not having some really mushy story to tell about my Dad, or even some really sad story.   In Nigerian terms, our relationship would be descr...

Dear Dad, My sons brought home father’s day cards for dad.  It made me think of you – your death still hurts.  It will be 10 years next year since you left us.  Where has the time gone?  We are still standing, a testament to your care for us.  You always made us feel like everything would be alright.  I appreciate you so much more now than I did when we had you with us even though I did appreciate you then.  I did not know how much more I would but I do.  Your loss still hurts but thoughts of you warm my heart and I feel so proud to have had a dad like you.  You were a good example.   You taught me not be too people focused.  Not to be a crowd pleaser, you did this by example.  I now find myself not drawn to keeping up with the Jones’s.  I don’t rely on people to validate me or my feelings.  I can feel good just being me.  This has h...

I have always thought of myself as a daddy’s girl. Growing up, my dad was a hero to me; I looked at him with “rose tinted glasses” as they say. But little girls grow up. We get to see that everyone really is just human, even our parents. If I’m being totally honest, I can’t even pin point what made me think I was a “daddy’s girl”. I mean it’s not like I have memories of us going to the park together, or playing any sort of sports together, or even just spending time one on one. I have come to the realisation that calling myself a “daddy’s girl”, was just me speaking out unexpressed expectations that weren’t being met. As a young adult, I know now that my relationship with my father has always been rocky. He was there ( emotionally ) but wasn’t always there ( physically ), which isn’t how the story usually goes… I know. But, I remember my feelings of joy and excitement as a young girl whenever my mum said my dad would be coming back from any one of his many business trips. I’m ...

I know a lot of people who found maths to be one of the toughest challenges in life during high school.   It wasn’t so much that it was terrible, or all the teachers were horrible; it just presented challenges that the mind genuinely did not want to handle. Even numbers are beautiful! I gradually appreciated the usefulness of odd numbers until I met prime numbers. Does anyone remember being asked to find the square root of 13, or 19, or 97?   “Against the Odds” might sound like the title of a lovely romantic comedy, but when you have to love against the odds, and truly live through the process… Hmmm. Like my odd numbers in maths class, some odds are bearable in marriage.   Some you actually anticipate, such as the toothpaste cap odd, or toilet seat odd or even the television hugging odd.   However, there are some quadratic equation type challenges that marriage throws at us to really challenge the love we profess to have for each other. One of such odds is...