dishusbandmata

Last week’s article was thought provoking as the writer shared her heart out and although I am grateful that a lot of people were able to identify with her, I was pained that the experience was not an uncommon one. I have began to ask myself what can we do, or rather what can I do to make sure that people are in their homes and are happy. Perhaps   one of the ways to help will be to discourage   people from getting   involved in setting up homes that are doomed for disaster before they get married .This is   because sometimes   the decision to marry itself might be a bad compromise.   .   As i look at the word compromise i can almost say that I am not unfamiliar with it. Not      due to the frequency of the usage of the word , but what it represented was implied at almost every possible occasion. Sometimes it came as plain old advice, sometimes in the form of a novel and most times , it was in form of a drama.. The message of compr...

I wanted to write about a beautiful experience  when I first got the invitation to contribute to this blog some months ago. Something I would read, that would bring a smile to my face as I would recount the memory.   Something he did right!   Oh there must be numerous examples to be honest … but I couldn’t remember anything I could actually write about.   I knew things hadn’t been great for a while but I didn’t realist how badly we had drifted from each other, until some three weeks ago.   I was looking for a particular file on my hard-drive – I couldn’t remember the name as I had saved it about six ago.   It took ages to find but while I was searching, I stumbled across a file I didn’t recognize titled ‘My Darling’.   I opened it and it was a series of emails I had saved.   At first, I thought it was someone else’s mail because I didn’t remember writing the things I was reading, and these exchanges sounded pretty intense.   She could...

“ Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break.” Jane Wells I came across this quote this past week and it kind of struck a cord with me. I mean on the surface it makes complete sense; you compromise a little and everyone is happy. But when we really think about it, what does compromise actually entail? I think we need to take a step and understand a few things before we can even think about compromising. Those things are preferences (a greater liking for an alternative over another) and prerequisites (core values that are the foundation). When we can differentiate between these two, I think it becomes easier to compromise. Now, I believe that compromise is important in every relationship and there a few things we can practice to help with that in our everyday life. Firstly, we need to realise that it’s not always about winning. Some times we get carried away with the mindset that we have to win an argument, but that just stops us from...

I am the second of six girls. My childhood was filled with memories of a mother who loved me and I loved in return. All this changed when I met Christ in my teens. My mother is supposed to be a Christian but I have never seen her attend church for a Sunday service, weekly activity or a program, the only time she went to church was for weddings or if someone told her there is a very powerful pastor somewhere who can see tomorrow more than the one who created tomorrow then she will go there to seek solution to her problems. Her faith was in witch doctors/herbalists. She took all her problems to them. As a young growing Christian teen, I was taught to shun anything that has to do with witch doctors, we were advised in school not to go with our parents to consult any. I loved my mother and didn’t want to hurt her but I didn’t want to go to hell either so I had to make a choice, should I compromise at home and pretend when I get to school. I had received the baptism of the Holy Sp...

It’s taken me a long time to get here, but there are some things I need to say….. I just want you to understand the impact you’ve had in my life; I hope you know that I am the woman I am today mainly because of the woman you are. Wow! As I am sat here trying to put my pen to paper (figuratively), I don’t even know where to start. I mean even after years of my commitment to try and understand your approach to this relationship we have, I can honestly say I don’t get it. But I’d be lying if I said I learnt nothing from it. I remember growing up convinced you weren’t really my mother, to the extent that I had a very vivid dream that another woman came to collect me (your response to this is a story for another time). I also remember you drumming it into my head that “We don’t get to choose our family. We get given what we get given and that’s it”. I know that that was your way of letting me know you didn’t choose me, but that’s alright, I’m still better because I was raised in y...

Growing up for me was blissful. I had a father who would listen,  empower  and reinforce to me the fact that God fearfully and wonderfully created me. Daddy told me daily how I could be anything I wanted to be. You see, my daddy was 30 years older than my mother. He was better educated in “terms of certificates” than her and he was a greatly travelled gentleman. My mother on the flip side, was only a standard six certificate  holder, from  a more humble background but “a very intelligent woman” without the glory of “many paper certificates”.   By virtue of the gap in their background, my mother’s mantra was to beat the discipline physically, by “fire by force” into one’s body. My father would discuss with you and explain very calmly, ensuring that you understood what and why you need to make recommended changes. The two had modus operandi that were the opposite to each other.   I look back and cannot remember the one time my father hit me or ever ...

As a child, I really didn’t look forward to being a teenager.   When I finally turned thirteen, I told myself over and over that I wasn’t as smart as I thought.   This was because I had heard about and seen so many naughty teenagers and I really didn’t want to be like them.   Most of them did things their parents would never dream they were doing, but I really wanted to have an open relationship with my mom particularly.   It was really cool to be sent off to boarding school, where I was technically ‘safe’ from certain issues. There were all kinds of girls in this ‘safe zone’ and without televisions, radios or the invention of mobile phones, all we had were a few novels and our personal   stories to keep us entertained.   Some girls told of how open they were with their parents, while others took pride in how eluded their parents were to their true identities.   All these variations of the female specie helped me to decide the kind of relationship I...