Wisdom Of Compromise




“Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break.” Jane Wells

I came across this quote this past week and it kind of struck a cord with me. I mean on the surface it makes complete sense; you compromise a little and everyone is happy. But when we really think about it, what does compromise actually entail? I think we need to take a step and understand a few things before we can even think about compromising. Those things are preferences (a greater liking for an alternative over another) and prerequisites (core values that are the foundation). When we can differentiate between these two, I think it becomes easier to compromise.

Now, I believe that compromise is important in every relationship and there a few things we can practice to help with that in our everyday life. Firstly, we need to realise that it’s not always about winning. Some times we get carried away with the mindset that we have to win an argument, but that just stops us from really hearing what the other person is saying. Most times we only have to actually listen in order to find a middle ground.

Another key thing is to speak your “must haves” (prerequisites) and “can leave withouts” (preferences). This is one of those obvious ones; you can’t get mad if someone expects you to compromise on you must have if y they don’t know what it means to you. This ties in to the next key, which is to be willing to rethink your preferences. I actually tried this in a past relationship

So the people who know me well know I’m not especially big on pda; I won’t even hold hands. But this ex of mine was into it. I mean, it got really bad for him that one day he said “Bee, do you even like me?”. Of course the question puzzled me and I said “yes I do! Why would you ask me something like that?” and he went on to point out all the times he’d tried to show public display of affection with me and I shut it down. I honestly felt bad and its not like I’d die if I showed and allowed some pda, so I thought why not rethink this preference Bee? I gave it a try and we broke up a week later! Now, I’m not saying that was the reason but I’ll just leave that there


Another key is to be appreciative. Whether the compromise leans more in your favour or the other person, it is important to show that you appreciate that this person is wiling to work on finding a middle ground.


Most importantly, always have an open mind to the compromise. Have an open mind about how the compromise made you feel. Did you like it in the end? Will you be changing your expectations in future interactions?

I think once we get hang of these few keys, it becomes easier to compromise. Easier to bend on the little things so we don’t have to break on the big things.

Well, these are my thoughts on compromising. Let us know in the comments what you won’t compromise on in your relationship.

Beautiful on Fridays Also,,

 Bee
Dishusbandmata……passionate about relationships

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The things I never told my Mother

Growing up for me was blissful. I had a father who would listen,  empower  and reinforce to me the fact that God fearfully and wonderfully created me. Daddy told me daily how I could be anything I wanted to be. You see, my daddy was 30 years older than my mother. He was better educated in “terms of certificates” than her and he was a greatly travelled gentleman. My mother on the flip side, was only a standard six certificate  holder, from  a more humble background but “a very intelligent woman” without the glory of “many paper certificates”.   By virtue of the gap in their background, my mother’s mantra was to beat the discipline physically, by “fire by force” into one’s body. My father would discuss with you and explain very calmly, ensuring that you understood what and why you need to make recommended changes. The two had modus operandi that were the opposite to each other.   I look back and cannot remember the one time my father hit me or ever shouted at me. However, my mo
Read more

Changing my Yes

I had hardly been months in a particular relationship and was not expecting a proposal so quickly as I had my doubts. So I was a bit taken aback when on an outing one evening, just by the car,he put one knee to the ground to ask for my hand in marriage .I was not overly excited or elated and did not give an answer until several days later .Some of my friends were happy for me and said the excitement may come later  but somehow I did not feel excited even after saying yes but  It just seemed that was the next step expected and I was also hoping that now the relationship had taken a serious turn, some of the issues I had would be addressed. The very first time I met this guy (let’s call him Kenneth ),one of the things he said to me was that “ I love truth ”. But I soon discovered that it was actually the opposite. Several times, I heard him say things that were not true and even when I accosted him, there was one excuse or the other. Another issue I experienced was the fact that I
Read more

Put Your best foot forward

 A wise person once said “ First impressions last long ” and when it comes to meeting new people especially if they happen to be members of our new family or extended family by that thing called “love” ,it is important that we deliberately make sure we create good impressions. This is because according to Andrew Grant, “you never get a second chance to make a first impression”. Although not all   first impressions are necessarily true, it  is usually a herculean task to change wrong first impressions. Just this afternoon, I was chatting with a friend and she ended the conversation with “dealing with in-laws is a skill” . While almost everybody wants to be married, not everyone wants to deal with in-laws or the stereotype mother in-law. The latter seems to be the most unloved compound name word and some people have even been known to pray that they would not have one by the time they meet their spouses! Well that kind of prayer is only fair to be answered if they also mean that
Read more