The Journey 4

Just after I had spent money to register for this Online dating, my week became extremely busy. It’s typical really, you commit money to something and you immediately lose interest in it or find reasons not to use it.  When I finally did get online, I tried to respond to everyone who had contacted me. Not that I was particularly interested in some of them but just because I know how disappointing it could be to reach out and be ignored. It was my aim to be a blessing and to make things as nice enough for those who have been brave enough to wave…., however my resolve was sorely tested with the following conversation:

Him: Hi ThatGirl, your profile is fascinating and I love it. I wouldn’t mind if you reply to my message. Congratulations.
Me: Hi there, thanks for taking the time to read my profile and contacting me, not sure what the congratulations are for though?!!
Him: I am just congratulating you for your beauty. I have this feeling that your lovely smile radiates from your within.

Now, that is sweet but a bit freaky. I was not sure how to break it nicely to him but I just really wanted to sit down and say, this is what will scare women away. I really wish there was some way I could help without sounding patronising but I know how I’d feel if a guy I contacted did that to me so I let it go and thanked him for the compliment but said I didn’t want to pursue the conversation any further – and the brother promptly blocked me on the site!

I decided to employ new tactics to my search and felt that just as seeing people in a group physically could teach you a lot about them, the Online Equivalent would also be a means to know more without being personal. So I took to  surfing the discussion boards and some very clever lady had raised the topic ‘What Men Want’ and there were a few interesting responses to that. Luckily for my friend (above) someone had also started a discussion on ‘What Women Want’, so I’m hoping he’s taken some time to read through that  for the future:)

So, what did I learn from my new approach that could help you.

1,  The boards are fun. As I was mostly surfing i.e. reading posts and not actually posting anything myself as shyness prevented me from contributing.One of the ladies had just broken up with a guy she met on the site and asked for tips to deal with it – it was lovely seeing the comments that everyone made, the support and warmth and prayers – you just don’t get that onmatch.com. I must admit, that’s pretty special.

2.  The fact that I’m not really on the market is probably helping as it means I’m not fixated on getting a result i.e. finding someone straight off. This site works because it’s pretty small and has a community feel to it but that’s also a disadvantage in that there are only so many people you can chat to. When you’ve taken out the nutters, the people you have nothing in common with, the people you’re not attracted to, the people who have totally different views from you and those who live well outside your tolerance levels (Wales, for me) then there are not many other people left. The ones that are left may also not fancy you so – it’s a hard situation. That may not be a bad thing, I have actually tried bigger sites and the only difference is that they’ve got a higher volume of nutters (I may be biased, it was a long time ago and I was in a bad place but that are what I thought at the time). It’s not about the quantity in the end, I think.

In essence what I am saying is approaching an Online Dating site without having a  “it must happen here” may go a long way in making it a pleasant and educative journey and if any little sparks lead to fireworks and a full blossomed romance where you become a bride, the better still. I am more for caring about the journey and The Journey will continue in a few weeks. Please watch out.

Buchi 

The Online Babe

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