dishusbandmata

I think this is a word we try to avoid these days as the saying ‘ promises are made to be broken’ seems to taunt the very essence of resolution making.  I mean, if you can’t keep a promise you make to yourself then why bother at all?  This is the season when church folk start to look out for the ‘Word for the new year’, both from their home churches and any other places of worship they affiliate with.  We want to get the word and run with it.  Some churches have already released the ‘catchphrase’ for the year 2018, and others will do so in the coming weeks, but how do we run with the word all through the year, and not break the promises we really want to make to ourselves? Ok so here is the hot gist that inspired this article.  It’s Christmas time and I had been looking forward to my husband coming home for the holidays. We all look forward to Christmas platters, but if you are the one who has to do all the cooking – it’s not always a fun job.  Anyw...

Wow, we are finally here on the very last Friday of the Year and we are grateful to our many readers all over the globe. Thank you so much for all your Comments, private messages & for sharing our Post. I know you have visited the Page to have today's article which interestingly enough is from a writer who decided to take Gracillis message of 2Home Truths 1 " to heart .and she has not failed to share her own story. Well the new Year is just 48hours away, Can I just ask that in case you have not filled the survey we sent out a few weeks ago,Can you kindly just use 5 minutes of your time to kindly fill the survey below. http://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/RLP5GYB Much Appreciated  Dishusbandmata ……… passionate about relationships

Last Christmas I came across a  list written  by one of my colleagues, it was not that I was being nosy ,the notebook where she had written the list was somehow different and open , so caught my  attention naturally. Her list was something like this Dad  £200  Mum £200   sibling £200 Boyfriend  £500 I knew he was the one because I had heard her mention his name severally. Well I laughed over the list as I believe it was a reflection of where her investments lay….the future probably with her boyfriend .She did not need to earn points with her parents or siblings. If we all perhaps make our own list like hers, I guarantee it might be different but  it would reveal how much value we place on the people in our lives. And I know sometimes we might say “…it is not the gift but the thought that matters” but our gifts are usually a reflection of the worth of the relationship to us. The thing about the monetary value of a gift is that our...

It’s December!!! This is usually one of my busiest months as there are so many singing engagements for the choir, and this year, Christmas falls on a Monday which means an extended weekend of singing for both the Christmas and New year weekends, plus lately I have the added pressure of producing the yearly calendar.   Amidst all of this, I try to remember what all the fuss is about as the true meaning of Christmas is sometimes an afterthought in my mind as I have gotten older… hmmm. Yes, December is a month that beckons us to take stock of the year so far.   Naturally the first things that come to mind would be the things we are yet to accomplish, the boxes we are yet to tick, the books we didn’t even touch – talk less of finish, the people we didn’t visit, and the list goes on… I remember in Junior high school, there was a huge mountain some miles away from our campus.   On most days when it would rain, you could see the rain cloud moving over the mountain and co...

As we come to the end of the year, it seems like a good enough time to look back, take notes, reminisce (and all the other stuff) on everything this year has had to offer. To be honest, I thought about what I could focus on but I couldn’t seem to pick a particular thing; everything just seemed as important as each other and needed its own post! Fortunately for me I came across a list online, which I got a little bit too excited over. This list just gives me structure so you don’t get confused by me story hoping. So let’s get to it, here’s my taking stock list... •        Making: Strong, God fearing girl friends. I have been surrounded by more solid ladies this year, which is surprising because my close friends are usually guys. But I have to admit, I’m liking this change. •        Reading: Karen Kingsbury books. I think I have read close to ten of her books in the course of the year and I haven’t discovered an au...

One of the vague phrases that has been flying around for weeks is “ I can’t believe it is December already”  . I am sometimes at a loss of what people really mean when they say this. Did the days just  fly or is it a matter of regret over the year or a sigh of resignation of hope?It seems most times the latter is the case. For some the year went too quickly, for others, they really wished it had turned out differently while for yet another group, there actually has been no change and  irrespective of the group you belong to ,as the year begins to wind down we all are faced with the temptation of taking stock. This in itself is not a bad thing to do, especially in the last month. Usually most Decembers, or perhaps right from the last few weeks of November, most write ups automatically go into the “Thanksgiving mode” where everyone is encouraged to adopt the attitude. “ Be grateful ”. “ Be Thankful,you  made it” . These phrases usually evoke several reactions ...

God sent I had gotten married in my twenties to who I thought was the love of my life. We are both  of the same race. The relationship wasn’t without its issues during our courtship but I thought no relationship was perfect we only need to work through our issues. I had my first child a month after my wedding. Then it became a very turbulent marriage. We had a lot of issues but I will leave that story for another time. Fact forward six years later the marriage hit the rocks and I became a single mother of a boy and girl. They meant the world to me. With them I was more than content. I was in Europe with my children but had to return home to Africa when we had immigration challenges. I went back home to my family, we were received with open arms, they were very supportive especially in caring for my kids. We had a roof over our heads, we never thought about where the next meal will come from which is one beautiful thing about African culture. After a while my kids lived wi...

When people from different Countries or Continents get into a relationship, differences are kind of obvious.  The minute you realise you have feelings for someone ‘different’, all kinds of questions begin to go off in your head like ‘what will my family say?’, or if you are as brutally honest as I tend to be, maybe a more basic question like “would Valentine’s Day be flowers and chocolate, or tickets to see Basketmouth live!?” I’m chatting with this guy who believes I will be his wife.  I ask him “why did you end your last relationship?”  “She was rude” was his reply.  Alarm bells went off in my head. What exactly is that supposed to mean? His ex-girlfriend just happened to be someone I knew from my past; one of those seniors I avoided in Secondary school, as she was a no-nonsense type of girl, but we had a few things in common.  I asked myself “ would I have to watch my tongue so consciously if I maintained a relationship with this person?”   I really...

Growing up, I had a vivid image of what my ideal relationships would look like. I’d date a guy who looked like. Someone who definitely wasn’t younger but at most 5 years my senior (yes, I was really that specific. I wasn't even willing to settle for someone my exact age). I remember seeing a married couple with what I considered an age gap. I didn’t like the way I felt like he could be her father and it automatically just put me off much older guys. Plus, it didn’t help that there were a lot of “uncles” who were just creepy! I am aware that these set preferences were formed in my mind from what I saw around me and what I perceived as acceptable. But it shocked me when I recently took stock and realised the two guys I had dated in the past were younger than I. Now I know that might not be a big deal for some, but I have always thought that age was a hard set in my preferences. I honestly felt like a cougar, even before I knew what it was! I mean the guys were only a year or tw...

The above was the title of a British sitcom that aired in the late 70s' to early 80s' which I remember watching as a child. I do not claim to have understood all of it especially with the insurmountable barrier of  the British accent  then but there was a song associated with the programme which I still recall as  “mixed blessings for you and me” . This sitcom was meant to show the difficulties associated with inter racial marriages as portrayed by a black and white newly wed couple. Little did I know that later on in my life, I would be surrounded by close friends  who would choose love courageously above race without looking back .In short in the past year, I have had two friends marry white guys &yes, I have also begged them to share their story, so make sure you watch this space . While these choices may be a bold step in the right direction, it is not one that should be taken lightly as the challenges of race divide affecting culture, communication and ...

It’s interesting to reflect on the sort of things we have names for these days.   There was a time when everything was black and white; but these days we have a wide range of shades in between. For example, there was a time when a kiss was a kiss. Now we have pecking, necking, single lip kiss, earlobe kiss, and many others that have fought for independence from the simple term ‘kiss’. I recall a girl in my teens who thought she was just being curious with her little sibling.   Her mother was passing by during this curious encounter and the name ‘Child Abuser’ was uttered.   She told me that the phrase haunted her for years.   She just couldn’t believe that such a term could EVER be associated with her.   I think I had the same feeling when I heard the term ‘ Emotional Abandonment’ .   What! You mean this is actually a thing , and like, people have carried out studies and stuff on what I am feeling in my head? Does this mean I need to see somebody, like go ...