Living Apart


Hmmm, this is something I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I will have to deal with but one thing I have learnt about being married is to be open to change and make the best of every situation no matter how bad it seems.
I was believing God for a job and actually wrote down all I wanted in the new job. I kept praying and believing God. I got a call from a friend in the UK asking me if I was interested in a job in an organization here in Nigeria. I went for the interview and it went well. It was also all I had wanted.

I got the job but didn’t bargain it was going to be in another state about five to hours away from home. I was a bitter-sweet time for me. I wanted the job but didn’t want to live apart from my husband and then we were  still trusting God for the fruit of the womb. I was also concerned about what family and friends would say about him letting me go when we are still without a child.
I was confused, the job was clearly God sent and I wanted it on the other hand I didn’t want to live apart from my husband, family and friends. Living apart won’t help our trying for a baby moreso I didn’t know anyone in this new town. The more I prayed and thought about it, the more I had peace about going. I asked my husband what he thought and he said he would support any decision I make.

Weeks later I got a call I was to report the following day and my husband was not in town. I can’t put into words how I felt that night, here was I leaving home to go work miles away and my hubby was not around to kiss me goodbye and see me off to the airport.I resumed work and it was a very lonely time for me. I went to work, came back home, ate dinner  and that was it. I spent a lot of money and time on the phone talking to friends in a bid  to kill boredom. I called my husband several times a day, nagged him that he wasn’t calling me enough, complained if I called and he missed my call. I joined a church but stayed home most Sunday to watch live streaming of my home church services.

After five months in the new town, I discovered I was pregnant. Some months later I resumed with my baby at three months. I was terrified, how was I to care for a three months old baby all by myself, I have had both my mum and mother in law stay with me after her birth. A lot of unholy thoughts ran rampart in my mind, what if she slips when am bathing her? What if she takes ill at night? What if she chokes on her food? How would I know how to help/teach her to sit, crawl, walk etc.
I had to get close to other mothers in the office and the staff at her daycare were wonderful. I asked a lot of questions and learnt a lot.  Thankfully I didn’t have any reason to worry  as none of those scenarios came true. She reached her milestone without stress, she was a happy and content baby. It was easy weaning her. It was as if she knew mummy was scared of getting it wrong and she took it easy on me.

This is my third year living away from home and my daughter will be two in a few months. One thing I have learnt in long distance relationship (yea that is what it is now) communication is the number 1,2,3,4, to infinity thing that must be kept flowing. Anytime spent together should not be taken for granted. The downside is you can both get used to having your own space. I visited home at Christmas and noticed my hubby had actually gotten used to being alone. He was a bit irritated about some things he never used to bother about. He wasn’t used to having a toddler turn meal times to messing up time. He quickly cleaned the mess from the floor and I usually get a kick from watching him do it.  He was used to quiet evenings, now he has to deal with a rowdy toddler. They also played a lot which is something  I don’t really get to do with her. It seems my daughter has now associated fun times with daddy.

This whole experience has also increased my respect for single parents who are doing it all alone every year without anyone to lean on.

I have adjusted to living alone I still don’t have friends but am friendly with a few people in the office, church and neighborhood. I attend church regularly now, I don’t spent so  much time on the phone anymore with friends. My husband calls me more than I call him now. I don’t know how for how long this will be but am keeping faith that we will continue to build a home based on love and trust.

Just Me with Love,

Benny

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