The Good, the Bad & the Ugly


Classifying things into groups is a well  known method for enhancing memorization and   this can be extended to people including our in-laws.
The word “in-law” can instantly produce many memories depending on the various types. While I would not say that we are to be held responsible for their actions, some of their behavior to us are actually reactions to our words and actions.

Using the title above, the “good” in-laws as those who have thankfully accepted you as family with no obvious separation between you and the other family members. What is good for the goose is good for the gander and as such ,you are not treated with segregationist preference. Laughing at their jokes is as natural as breathing air, you can be yourself.

For  the bad, you are always reminded that you are not one of them. This may be done subtly or out rightly depending on their barometer of nastiness. Almost everything you do is not good enough, from academic to cooking skills and even things you do not have control over is apportioned with contempt to your account. You know your in-law is bad when you get text messages reminding you “that barrenness is not in their family and they won’t allow their brother to suffer for choosing another man like you !”

Finally,for the ugly, I would best illustrate with an incident(permission obtained to use ) but we all know that ugly does not generally mean bad or good, just that we do not generally put ugly and good together.


 Sometime ago, a friend of mine had her in-laws visiting. With two  grown up sister in- laws and her mother in -law under the same roof, life was hectic.It seemed like she was always in the kitchen. One of the days she was making her mother in-law’s hair and when it came to lunch time, her sister in-law thankfully was preparing this. She felt relieved and continued to make her mother-in-law’s hair. However when the food became ready, it was served by her in-law to only members of their family and all the pots and pans were washed!No one asked if she would eat and having her friend visiting also added to the embarrassment. Surely none of you readers would do that, hopefully .

But like I initially said , some of the actions of our in-laws are in reality reactions to what they have heard about us or from us , most likely through our partners  .

Most ladies erroneously during their courtship days sow avoidable seeds of discord and strife by unnecessarily letting their fiance know of all the opposition from their family. Sometimes this is done as part of the gist or perhaps in a foolish adherence to a “we tell each other everything “ and then we wonder why there are problems later with the in-laws.

The truth is that not many of us are able to relate to people without being biased with what we have heard about them and just saying I do to your loved one, will not erase the memory of all you heard your intending in-laws  said about you while coming to terms with accepting you as an in-law.
I know it could be a very stressful time especially when you are in so much love and your family are giving you a hard time but It is probably much wiser to share your frustration with a trusted friend,In that way when all the dust is settled, there are no unnecessary unpleasant memories that would impede the bonding process.

But some people never learn this lesson and even while married, share without filtering ,words between their spouses and their in-laws. There are somethings that are better not said and if we are sincere with ourselves, we usually  know what needs to be passed on, but sometimes we just want to pass it on due to our dislike of a certain in-law and let me be quick to say here that it may not be possible that  all your in-laws will like you or that you will like all of them and this could be a temporary situation .Not everyone will like us immediately and that in-law who is your number one antagonist sometimes becomes your best friend if given the chance.


Our series on in-laws/ex-es have come to an end but I would like to reiterate again on the importance of not using our intended or spouses as emotional dumping grounds. Remember to filter and separate what you say. Even the government encourages segregation of waste and in some boroughs, you get charged for not segregating waste. Not every waste can be recycled and somethings that are said by our family members should not be recycled into the ears of our spouses as they do not foster good relationships!
Be a wise individual and a binding force between the two sides of your life that have been joined by love, especially as you have been following this blog diligently (we are passionate about healthy relationships )

Love &speak wisely,
Gracillis.


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