And To Assume



Last week, we got a little history lesson on the term ‘Making Love’. We found out that it originally meant “paying attention to someone romantically”.

Today, I want to talk to us about the part of this most of us ignore, forget or don't even realise exist. And that’s the side of assumption. To woo, flirt or romance someone might mean so very different things to people, depending on their motives.

So many times we (especially us ladies), jump to conclusions just because someone approached us in a certain manner. “He gave me a lift home, so we must be dating now”. Yes I know that’s extreme, but I know ladies who think this way.

 We stake claims to people we have no business with, just because we assumed the motive behind their actions. I have a friend who was sure of her “relationship” with a guy that when he eventually introduced us to his girlfriend, my friend couldn't even feign civility! I remember us girls sitting down to really bash this guy out (because he had “broken her heart”). And when I asked her what he did to lead her on, she said he had shown interest in her; had complimented her, given her lifts home when it could’ve been inconvenient for him  and so many other things I knew for a fact he did with everyone around him! I remember leaving that conversation thinking ‘why would you think all those things added up  to a romantic interest if he acts the same with everyone else?!’

This  brings me back to our original meaning of ‘Making Love’; paying attention to someone romantically.  We need to learn that phrase completely and stop picking the parts we like/want. We tend to stop right before it says romantically and that’s where issues arise. Personally, I try to never think or assume someone might be interested in me, until they tell me outright! Even that doesn’t mean anything to me, unless they plan on doing something about their interests. I’ve been told that I might miss my husband with an attitude like this. But the way I see it is that, if he isn’t man enough to take charge and let me know his feelings and intentions, then he can keep it moving. He’s just not for me.

So ladies (and men too!), the next time you think someone might be interested in dating you; pause, then look at how they interact with the people around them before you leap to “we’re going to get married!”. If you’re being treated like everyone else, but it’s stirring up feelings on your part, remove yourself from the situation. It is easier said than done, but it can be done! I’ve come out of it before, so I know with God’s help, you can to

 While I was in college, there was this guy friend I had heard liked me so I liked him. We’ll just call him Tim. So, a group of us used to hang out together during breaks and a girl friend of mine told me she thought Tim liked me, and of course that put some thoughts in my head and made me like him more. One day, that same girl friend dared me to go up to the guy and kiss him. You see, I am very comfortable with guys (most of my friends are guys) but the moment I like a guy, I become very shy around him. This girl knew that but wanted to challenge me in front of our other friends.

I told her I wouldn't do it but Tim overheard us. Next thing I know, he came over and was kissing me. All I could think was ‘this guy likes me and he’s now kissing me!’. I was so sure that our relationship had started right there, but I got a reality check the very next day. I got to college and saw him flirting with someone else. I kept quiet, thinking I must have seen wrong. When we had a break, Tim barely spoke to me, I felt like I was trying to drag every response from deep within him and that just frustrated me! I remember thinking something was wrong with me. This went on for a week, but I kept acting like a groupie. Then one day, I came into college and I honestly don’t know what happened but, I just got the feeling that I was making a fool out of myself and everyone was secretly laughing at me.

From that day, I removed myself from anywhere he was that I didn’t have to be. It hurt me every time I mistakenly saw him with another girl, and that irritated me even more. I knew he was never mine but my feelings weren’t cooperating. Then God literally stepped in; I got saved and realised that as God’s daughter, I deserved much more than Tim gave or could ever give me. It also opened my eyes to see that I couldn't go about making decisions based on assumptions. It was then I decided never to make decisions based on my assumptions, especially when it has to do with my heart.


Well you may think it was easy for me and your own relationship has been going on for almost a year. I am talking about "assumed relationships".,"not defined" , nothing concrete , just going on as a couple, calling each other several times a day. If he hasn't said anything and you do not want to ask him (I strongly advise you don't), just take a momemt and cut off all communication. Don't call and don't answer calls. You may be shocked at the response. He may never really call back or make a lame attempt and that could just be a sign pointer that he was just being polite. Guys could be cowards is a lame excuse we sometimes give for them not speaking up but that is also true for them not wanting to tell you !I really have no intentions", but when a guy finds what he wants , he speaks up and until he does sis, please don't assume .

 Bee

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The things I never told my Mother

Growing up for me was blissful. I had a father who would listen,  empower  and reinforce to me the fact that God fearfully and wonderfully created me. Daddy told me daily how I could be anything I wanted to be. You see, my daddy was 30 years older than my mother. He was better educated in “terms of certificates” than her and he was a greatly travelled gentleman. My mother on the flip side, was only a standard six certificate  holder, from  a more humble background but “a very intelligent woman” without the glory of “many paper certificates”.   By virtue of the gap in their background, my mother’s mantra was to beat the discipline physically, by “fire by force” into one’s body. My father would discuss with you and explain very calmly, ensuring that you understood what and why you need to make recommended changes. The two had modus operandi that were the opposite to each other.   I look back and cannot remember the one time my father hit me or ever ...
Read more

Put Your best foot forward

 A wise person once said “ First impressions last long ” and when it comes to meeting new people especially if they happen to be members of our new family or extended family by that thing called “love” ,it is important that we deliberately make sure we create good impressions. This is because according to Andrew Grant, “you never get a second chance to make a first impression”. Although not all   first impressions are necessarily true, it  is usually a herculean task to change wrong first impressions. Just this afternoon, I was chatting with a friend and she ended the conversation with “dealing with in-laws is a skill” . While almost everybody wants to be married, not everyone wants to deal with in-laws or the stereotype mother in-law. The latter seems to be the most unloved compound name word and some people have even been known to pray that they would not have one by the time they meet their spouses! Well that kind of prayer is only fair to be answered if ...
Read more

Changing my Yes

I had hardly been months in a particular relationship and was not expecting a proposal so quickly as I had my doubts. So I was a bit taken aback when on an outing one evening, just by the car,he put one knee to the ground to ask for my hand in marriage .I was not overly excited or elated and did not give an answer until several days later .Some of my friends were happy for me and said the excitement may come later  but somehow I did not feel excited even after saying yes but  It just seemed that was the next step expected and I was also hoping that now the relationship had taken a serious turn, some of the issues I had would be addressed. The very first time I met this guy (let’s call him Kenneth ),one of the things he said to me was that “ I love truth ”. But I soon discovered that it was actually the opposite. Several times, I heard him say things that were not true and even when I accosted him, there was one excuse or the other. Another issue I experienced was the fac...
Read more