This ‘Nagging’ Business!



I never wanted to be a nagging wife.  I had heard a lot about how this particular action drove husbands to boiling point and how irritating the whole business was altogether.  So, it was on my prayer list before I got married – Lord help me not to be a nagging wife.  However, since I got married, nagging has taken on a whole new meaning to me.  I thought it was an issue for those who are known to talk too much in general, and since I am usually described as ‘quiet’, I never imagined nagging would be an issue for me.  I am a respected person and when I speak, people listen.  I am careful with my words as I aim to make impact with them, and I am not used to being ignored at all.  I also believe the biblical perspective of the power of the tongue, so putting all that together you can see why nagging should not be a part of my lifestyle.

I got married and found myself in situations where my guarded words where not taken seriously.  One of the reasons I got married was to have a partner in life, someone I could work together with. I remember one of the first things I tried to have an opinion on.  My husband wanted to do some work on our garden.  He told me what he wanted to do, and I thought about it for a short while.  I then said while it was it was a good idea, I didn’t think it was something we needed to do immediately.  To me, there were more pressing issues that required our attention.  We were hardly in the house at the time and we never spent anytime in the garden; we also didn’t have any children that would need to play in the garden immediately, so I thought we could wait another year before we tackled that project.  Besides, we had plans for me to start a course that would further my job prospects and we didn’t have the funds for more than one project at a time.  My husband ignored my suggestions and went on to what he wanted to do.  At the end of the work, he was very unhappy with the finished project and had gone well over budget.  He actually said, “I wish I had listened to you dear”.  I felt satisfied thinking now we have a precedent, so he will listen to me next time.   How much I still had to learn….

Within the first couple of years, I realised that not only did similar scenarios take place, but I seemed to always get the short end of the stick.  These wrong decisions affected me more than him and I was expected to be understanding after I had given a warning.  Now during marriage counselling, I had been told about submission and how if my husband makes a wrong decision, I should still submit, and the Lord will cover me for my obedience.  I thought about this in the reality of my situation and I wondered if God was truly happy with me for allowing my husband to make all these errors in the hope that I will be covered…?  So, I took a decision to try and make my point a bit more intensely.  It wasn’t as easy as I hoped.  I had to really make a conscious effort to repeat myself on matters.  What was even harder was fighting the temptation to say things like “… remember how you didn’t listen to me last time and look what happened…”.  Okay, I might have used that line once or twice, but I realised no one likes being reminded of their failures.  If I didn’t like it, then I shouldn’t expect my husband to happily listen to me saying things like that; but how do I get him to listen without giving him examples of where he refused to listen in the first place?

One option was using the Holy Spirit.  I love the privilege of having God right in the middle of the situation, and since we are all his children, He knows best how to talk to us.  There was an instance where my husband wanted to go into a business deal.  He had spoken to a few people about what he wanted to do, and nobody completely agreed with him.  When he told me about it, I experienced shock, fear and anger at the same time.  It didn’t sound logical.  Now I know that a lot of things a man does may not make complete sense to us women until the results are out but if God did not give you a direct blueprint for the job…… hmmmm.  He needed a loan to carry his plans out and he had already started collecting money from people with a promise to return the money with interest.  I got on my knees and cried to God along with a trusted friend, because if this risk did not pay off, the impact would be too great and my belief in this man I married would really have been tested.  I asked God to either speak to him and change his mind or let something scatter before a contract is signed.  Will you believe that God allowed a simple twenty-pound unpaid bill to cause a failed credit check and so he could not go forward.  Even I was in shock!  It was truly an answered prayer.  It also taught me that God doesn’t have a problem with me nagging him in prayers.  He doesn’t call it nagging in the first place and that is so re-assuring for me.

Another option was to watch my tone.  Sometimes its not what we say but how we say it.  Now if you’ve got younger siblings or you are used to being in charge and giving out orders, there may be times when we forget our place and start to project manage our husbands as well.  I’m not asking you to worship him and do the dance of the seven veils every time you want to get your point across but speak like you care about this person and not just about making your point.  Then again, there are times when all you need is one sentence.  I had pleaded with my husband on a certain issue from the first month of our marriage.  He kept giving reasons and excuses as to why he could not do what I was asking, and I kept bringing it up every other month.  After three years I noticed that what he didn’t want to do for me, he was doing for someone else.  I looked him in the eye one day and said “This is the last time I will ever ask you for this.  You will never hear me mention this issue again.  If you have decided that as your wife, I don’t deserve this thing, then I leave you with God”.  From that day until now he has given me my request regularly and I truly have never mentioned it again.

So my people, let everyone look into this nagging business, whether you are the nagger or the one receiving the nagging – neither position is enjoyable.  Let’s listen to each other and work together to reduce and eliminate the ‘Did I not warn you?’ moments.  And use the Holy Spirit!  He will do a far better job than you would with just the weapon of your mouth. 

Making it Work,
Keisha

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