dishusbandmata

The idea that there may be another significant woman in a husband’s life can be very threatening to a wife.  We battle enough with mothers-in-law and special Aunties and even some godmothers; so to include the added burden of a devious other somebody is a pretty big deal. I prayed concerning this area before I got into marriage as I know that I lack the energy to fight for any man.  Why should I have to? I told God I wanted what was mine and not another person’s property.  God gave me ‘my own man’, but from the first month of our marriage, I had competition.  Silver had known my husband before I met him, so I was not really disturbed by her presence in his life.  She worked with him and they produced a lot of good work together.  Little did I know what a nuisance she would be. It sort of started with deadlines at work.  She would come home with my husband and he would hardly give me a proper welcome. He would shower and eat his meal quickl...

We hate the other woman. Usually, we do not even know that she exists. Somewhere deep down inside we wonder because society has told us since we were children that all men cheat. All men cheat . This singular notion is probably responsible for the breakdown of most relationships. Both men and women hear this and it plays out differently for both sexes. For the man, it is a ready justification not to fight unfaithfulness. A ready excuse that exempts him from culpability because apparently his nature is prone to adultery. For the woman it is a complex mix of distrust, feelings of inadequacy and guilt. Yes, guilt. Somehow while society tells us that men will cheat because they are men, it contradicts itself by trying to place the reason for cheating not on the male nature but on some imaginary shortcoming we women have. Most women think that when men cheat they have failed at something to make him wonder. Even men try to blame their partners when they cheat. “She doesn’...

Hmmm, this is something I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I will have to deal with but one thing I have learnt about being married is to be open to change and make the best of every situation no matter how bad it seems. I was believing God for a job and actually wrote down all I wanted in the new job. I kept praying and believing God. I got a call from a friend in the UK asking me if I was interested in a job in an organization here in Nigeria. I went for the interview and it went well. It was also all I had wanted. I got the job but didn’t bargain it was going to be in another state about five to hours away from home. I was a bitter-sweet time for me. I wanted the job but didn’t want to live apart from my husband and then we were  still trusting God for the fruit of the womb. I was also concerned about what family and friends would say about him letting me go when we are still without a child. I was confused, the job was clearly God sent and I wanted it on the ...

Someone like You....sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.... I believe one of the reasons why Adele’s song by that title in 2011  made one of the greatest hits was the fact that it resonated with so many people. Almost everyone has had the pain of heartbreak no matter how someone else might try to trivialize it. I am not talking about those relationships which one gleefully ends  but the ones that  looked so promising (as far as you thought).Just about when the inflated balloon wanted to fly, a league of demons gathered with a sack full of pins to deflate it .I am also referring to  some relationships that  sadly ended even before it started. While I want to agree that it is not every relationship that would eventually lead to marriage, the way we end a relationship should be with some form of respect and dignity to the other person. Surely no matter how crappy  they may have been, they have also invested some time an...

" Yes I do, No not any longer Part 1", was featured last week Friday. The concluding part was posted today as a result of demand. Read,Enjoy&Learn. Like I said in the first part of my story, the verbal abuse turned physical. My husband could become angry at the slightest reason  and I would get a beating. On one occasion, it was because I allowed our son run out to hug him before he had his bath on return from work that warranted a beating. All the beatings in the world never compared to the day my husband told me verbatim” I do not love you” . O it hurt me so bad but I stayed on. It was like a knife was put into my heart and left there, to cause a slow bleed to death. My husband’s disregard for me was shown on one occasion during a quarrel and I felt the touch of raindrop on my body. Unbelievable, my husband spat on me. I was so shocked .I ran to the bathroom to clean myself but it seemed that the pain that day brought so much pleasure to him. He repeated it o...

It may be easier to actually start something over if it involves you only but when it involves others, it can get complicated. We as  human beings never really want to admit failure especially when it has got to do with marriage and sometimes spend our last nerve fighting over something we shouldn’t. Somehow at the back of our minds as women, we think if we shower the guy with all the love in the world , surely he will stay but if  love  was what kept a marriage, then mine would have outshone eternity. I loved my husband and even the devil could testify to that.I had dreams for my home right from the time I was a child. Like almost every woman, I dreamt about the big day and the many happy loving years after that I had read in those girly novels.  We met back in my home country and started a relationship which did not materialize, shortly after which he left the country. I also  left for overseas and renewed contact. I had the right legal papers and before ...

Happy New Year to you and Thank God for another beginning.  Yes, a new year is a wonderful opportunity to birth a new you; but sometimes the pain of the past may bring a justified fear of the future.  Starting over is not always simple, and I believe it is important to do what works for you instead of sticking to the status quo.  I was reminded of my first serious break-up.  I had been in a long-distance relationship for a while and when the distance seemed to remain a constant, it was wise to end the relationship.  For me it was common sense.  When I met someone in my region, I was very excited.  I reminded God how I only wanted to date a maximum of three guys before marriage and how I would put my all into this relationship so that it would lead to the altar.  Everyone was happy for us.  His friends were happy, my friends were happy.  We looked good together.  We complimented each other and so on.  I was so caught up i...