Yes I do , No not any longer Part 2


" Yes I do, No not any longer Part 1", was featured last week Friday. The concluding part was posted today as a result of demand. Read,Enjoy&Learn.

Like I said in the first part of my story, the verbal abuse turned physical. My husband could become angry at the slightest reason  and I would get a beating. On one occasion, it was because I allowed our son run out to hug him before he had his bath on return from work that warranted a beating. All the beatings in the world never compared to the day my husband told me verbatim”I do not love you”. O it hurt me so bad but I stayed on. It was like a knife was put into my heart and left there, to cause a slow bleed to death.

My husband’s disregard for me was shown on one occasion during a quarrel and I felt the touch of raindrop on my body. Unbelievable, my husband spat on me. I was so shocked .I ran to the bathroom to clean myself but it seemed that the pain that day brought so much pleasure to him. He repeated it on some other occasions. I was getting traumatised and my value as a woman was not holding to the centre at all. How could I explain to the Church what was happening, especially as my husband was Mr Nice to every other person.

But daily the violence grew and on one occasion, my son witnessed it. Then he was just two, he was so traumatised, cried and cried and began to vomit. That was the final straw. I could not remain in the home and have my child grow up in that kind of environment, I also had an “opia” who was a witness to several happenings and encouraged me to leave. Painfully, I had to leave. This was   not the marriage I envisaged.

 I would admit there were some warning signs I did not heed to .I felt pressured as I approached my thirtieth birthday and did not want to be single. I got into marriage   which I so desired but  had to  struggle to come out, fighting  with the thought s of everyone thinking I was a failure and could not keep a home. If I left, would I ever marry again? I knew some single friends  before I got married and they were still single. Should I not remain and fight  the good fight of faith and  every curse of singleness that seemed to be looming over me. These thoughts plagued me daily.I fought with all the love I knew to show but  after that incident with my son, I told myself the gospel truth, it was time to go and up till today, I know that was the best  and bravest decision  I made in my life.

After I left, there was a period of separation where we tried counselling which he never listened to and eventually, I had to file for a divorce. The divorce process was painful and he being a manipulative person used the courts to do institutional bullying. There were several unnecessary court cases I had and fell into debts using my credit cards to pay solicitors as he was trying to have full custody of  our son. I vowed this would not happen as long as I am alive.

 I thought my love would make all the difference but no it didn’t. Not on its own. I was afraid to start all over but God helped me by bringing people into my life who were non-judgemental.I began to pick up the pieces of my life and was only able to move forward after some healing had taken place.

PS: My story has not ended. God has been gracious to me and now several years later, I am remarried to a man who loves me and God. Sometimes I think my greatest fear was to give up what I had for nothing , or so I thought .Looking back now , I know I actually did not have a marriage and I am glad I left. Should you leave yours, one answer does not fit all, try reconciling, get some counselors involved  but please do not put yourself or your children in danger.

Hope this helps,

Hauwa.

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