Shake It Off





We’ve all done silly things we look back at and just shake our heads at. Most people know that breaking up is a hard process to go through. But it’s even harder when you need to decide if you should stay in touch with your ex after the breakup. This is where things get complicated. But remaining in each other’s lives makes moving on harder and slipping back very risky.

Funny thing is, I was just talking to a girlfriend about this a couple of days ago. We were talking about our ex experiences, and I was remembering how my previous relationship ended amicably – which led me to a place of false comfort in us staying in touch. I mean it wasn’t like the break up was dramatic, it was just a case of wrong timing and I fully don’t believe in going back either anyway. So I thought I’d be alright…. That’s why, I can’t even explain to you what possessed me to want to “stay connected” or what I thought would happen!

Things ended with “If we’re meant to be together, it’ll happen soon enough”, even though I knew in the back of my mind that I didn’t fully believe that. So we carried on speaking, but not with the same frequency. Couple of months pass and everything is cool; we’re still friends, we talk, we check up on each other, we even hang out sometimes (with other friends present of course). And then I hear from a mutual friend that he has a new girlfriend. SHOCK!!
As this friend was filling me in, all I kept thinking was ‘I thought you thought we were going to get back together’. It’s not like I honestly wanted that to happen, but I had always just believed he thought it and that thought made something clear to me. I never really tried to move on; I’d been unconsciously holding on to my ex and just putting things on pause. Semi waiting for us get back together.

Truth is, I wouldn’t have been able to move on even if I wanted to. Not with the open contact I still had with him anyway. We really shouldn’t have been orbiting each other like that.

But going back to my conversation a couple of days ago, this girlfriend was telling me how she tried bringing her ex (Tom) back into her life after cutting off contact with him. (t least she had the right idea in the first place. That has to count for something, right?).

Tom had met her family when they were together and so she thought it would just be easy to go back to someone who is already familiar with her family history, rather than trying to meet someone new to start over with. So my friend contacted Tom and they went to the museum, went to a fair, had dinner, and then he wanted more…. And she then remembered that they had different relationship standards. And the rest is literally history.

But honestly, ALL CONTACT SHOULD BE CUT OFF AFTER A BREAK UP. It’s just not worth the drama. It’s emotionally draining and a constant temptation to slipping back.

Just shake it off and move swiftly on!

Straight from my heart,
Bee

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The things I never told my Mother

Growing up for me was blissful. I had a father who would listen,  empower  and reinforce to me the fact that God fearfully and wonderfully created me. Daddy told me daily how I could be anything I wanted to be. You see, my daddy was 30 years older than my mother. He was better educated in “terms of certificates” than her and he was a greatly travelled gentleman. My mother on the flip side, was only a standard six certificate  holder, from  a more humble background but “a very intelligent woman” without the glory of “many paper certificates”.   By virtue of the gap in their background, my mother’s mantra was to beat the discipline physically, by “fire by force” into one’s body. My father would discuss with you and explain very calmly, ensuring that you understood what and why you need to make recommended changes. The two had modus operandi that were the opposite to each other.   I look back and cannot remember the one time my father hit me or ever shouted at me. However, my mo
Read more

Changing my Yes

I had hardly been months in a particular relationship and was not expecting a proposal so quickly as I had my doubts. So I was a bit taken aback when on an outing one evening, just by the car,he put one knee to the ground to ask for my hand in marriage .I was not overly excited or elated and did not give an answer until several days later .Some of my friends were happy for me and said the excitement may come later  but somehow I did not feel excited even after saying yes but  It just seemed that was the next step expected and I was also hoping that now the relationship had taken a serious turn, some of the issues I had would be addressed. The very first time I met this guy (let’s call him Kenneth ),one of the things he said to me was that “ I love truth ”. But I soon discovered that it was actually the opposite. Several times, I heard him say things that were not true and even when I accosted him, there was one excuse or the other. Another issue I experienced was the fact that I
Read more

Put Your best foot forward

 A wise person once said “ First impressions last long ” and when it comes to meeting new people especially if they happen to be members of our new family or extended family by that thing called “love” ,it is important that we deliberately make sure we create good impressions. This is because according to Andrew Grant, “you never get a second chance to make a first impression”. Although not all   first impressions are necessarily true, it  is usually a herculean task to change wrong first impressions. Just this afternoon, I was chatting with a friend and she ended the conversation with “dealing with in-laws is a skill” . While almost everybody wants to be married, not everyone wants to deal with in-laws or the stereotype mother in-law. The latter seems to be the most unloved compound name word and some people have even been known to pray that they would not have one by the time they meet their spouses! Well that kind of prayer is only fair to be answered if they also mean that
Read more