The side chick


“My dear sisters,
With the way guys are doing these days, you gotta ask them:
* Are you single single, Mad at her single or Long distance single ?
Ask him,
* Are you married?
* Is Someone married to you?
* Are you married without your knowledge (lol)?
* Is there someone that you are attached to in a married way?
Are you engaged?...Did you propose to someone?...Is there someone hoping to be engaged to you? Are you unsure of the feelings you have for someone? Talk ooo
Better ask o!!!”
Copied.

The above is a post on Facebook  that a friend sent to me this week. It brought  both laughter and memories  to me and I sent it to a group of girlfriends who responded accordingly.

I must be very sincere to say I am not sure of any lady I know who cannot relate to the truths of the above piece. Somehow  when a guy is caught in the web of his two-timing or possibly some more,  depending on how he operates, there is always an excuse for it.

Many ladies have felt the pain of being betrayed on their path to seeking true love.It can be quite shattering to one’s  esteem to discover that you are not the only one. That all his promises of love are being re-echoed to some other woman and depending on the age and social status, it might just be that some of the gifts you have given him have been recycled to her and vice versa.
Some guys are just serial womanizers and they have a lady in almost every city, one in their work place, one in their own country across the ocean, one sometimes in their church ,neighbourhood while  one  is living with them !

How do we actually stop ourselves from getting involved with the likes of the guys above and seriously, I do not want us to think t is only the male folk that do these things. Recently I asked a close friend of mine how her cousin was getting on with his  girlfriend and jokingly  if we needed to start saving for the aso-ebi  (Nigerian  term for  the same fabrics taken by people to celebrate an occasion, especially weddings) I really felt for her cousin when she told me that the lady announced to him  the week before that her boyfriend just proposed. Yes, you heard me right. So what was he all the while, all the time, investment and money, waiting for the perfect occasion to pop the question while his babe was busy giving her real boyfriend an ultimatum for  proposal, and when that one did, she then felt it was appropriate to break ties with her “just in case” . I think that is the best way to describe my friend’s cousin in this situation. It is even becoming more common for  some   ladies to have two or three serious relationships at the same time after several relationships have turned sour due to deception.

No matter how many times it happens , whenever along the path you discover this ugly truth, the pain is harrowing. I remember one during my undergraduate days. This guy was a fellow classmate that had showed interest. I was not interested but kept the friendship. On one occasion after lectures, he found out I was going to do somethings in the area he lived off campus and insisted that I visited him. Since we were all a group of friends, another friend lagged along.

We got to his house first and on opening the door, while navigating into the hallway he was greeted by his girlfriend who apparently had come to pay a surprise visit. He quickly whispered to his friend behind who was supposed to take care of me to avoid any  ugly situation, I mean that is what I concluded because I was rapidly ushered outside the house! Well, there was no need for any further discussion, I just did SSD (scrolled, select and delete). The next time he saw me in class, he kept his distance which I believe worked for both of us.

But looking at this lady's post, which is really funny,Is subscribe to   her advice to ask questions.It  is a good idea. The only thing is you can ask all the questions you know  and still get played. I think apart from asking questions, it is good to follow your intuition, I mean your gut feelings which sometimes you may have no evidence to prove, of course…initially.

Another  friend of mine once had someone who was on her case seriously for marriage , she didn’t give an answer because she did not really feel it , somehow she was troubled. She did give an answer and not too long, got news of the guy’s wedding. When she accosted him, he only retorted that by the time he was asking her out, he and his fiancée were having trouble, seriously..a nut case of   single mad at her.

Discovering you are a side chick can be painful so we must take  further steps. Apart from asking questions and following our hearts, there is also a need to watch out for clues. I once had this interesting guy who was my kind of person. Good looking and intelligent (sorry this is a mutually inclusive combination for me). He was the only child of his parents and had lost his dad and as such gave me the impression that his mum was everything. No matter how deep our conversation went , it could be interrupted by a phone call which he gave the impression was his mum. He needed to answer it immediately and privately . Well I did not really mind. How naïve, until when he was about leaving  the country . He wanted to do some shopping but I could not accompany him and as such asked another girlfriend of mine to do so for me.
After the shopping, my girlfriend called me to say my guy was quizzing her about sizes  and describing to her the shape of another lady so he could buy undies for her. Needless to say, of course when he came back, he knew the game was up and attempted   to find out what my friend had told me.  Then the phone rang and it was like the penny dropped. All those phone calls that had to be answered were not from his mother…..He  then opened up and started discussing this hidden relationship with me but I was devastated because I had put so much premium on his character .I should have picked up from the clues. 
If a so called guy you are dating always seems absent whenever it is time to attend  important family  gatherings and   share dates such as Valentine, Thanksgiving,Christmas or even his birthday , claiming he needs to go and see one of his aunties in another town, you might just have to tread cautiously as this might just be an pointer .

On the other hand, some people have a problem with jealously and possessiveness in a relationship that they have to know every detail of every minute their partner spends  away from them. This is not what I am referring to and neither am I advocating   stalking our partners. Underlying this kind of action most times is insecurity, which   needs to be dealt with so as not to interfere with the health of a relationship.

But what happens when you discover you have been a side chick? Some  people might want to fight for their relationship but to be honest, it is quite difficult to call something a relationship where the foundation of trust is visibly absent  and how long are you going to be looking over your shoulder to ensure you are the only one (crazy but true, I once read the memoirs of a taxi driver who claimed that one of the passengers he carried that day was a lady who made him drive to several courts around the Lagos  metropolis with the sole aim of   checking  the notices of weddings just to make sure her man was not planning on getting married  to someone else!) .
Discovering you are a side chick might just be the time  to take a bow and leave. 

You don’t want someone praying against you and your unborn generations or worse still, going physical and doing some irreparable damage to your body(cant even predict the extent some people can go )over a perfidious individual.  I mean if there is no certitude of their hearts   what other lies are you yet to discover.

I have only mentioned three ways to ensure we protect ourselves from wasting time and emotions with people who are not worth it. Don’t even bother trying to teach them a lesson, simply scroll, select and delete.

If you do have any other  thing that can help another sister or even brother out there to prevent this mishap,please write your comments below or write to me We do love to hear from you as we are passionate about healthy relationship.

Your heart matters.
Gracillis

PS: But Gracillis, some people are knowingly the side chick, what advice do you have…watch this space

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