Letting it go

Learning to let go comes to us all as we grow older.  The better you are at letting go the more at peace you will be with yourself and the more time you will have to yourself for your self to figure out the person you need to be and to appreciate the people God brings your way who genuinely want to walk this way called life with you.

Some relationships are meant to be lifelong like the relationship between husband and wife, children and parents, siblings etc our family ties.  Those relationships are worth fighting for, keep on keeping on. as long as it depends on you.  The thing with relationships however is that it doesn’t always depend on you - the other party counts too.

The relationships we have with our friends somewhat differ. With friendships, some are lifelong, and some are brief.  Knowing the difference and sometimes letting go can add value to your life where  the friendship is not reciprocated.

 Many things lead to  the distance/demise of friendships like changing schools, moving,life events  which come in the way and you find yourself unable to keep up with some friends.  Most times there are no hard feelings but there are some breakdowns in friendships that hurt so much.  When you are snubbed, and you know it; when you face rejection from people you would like to be friends with; when they move on to others (more acceptable you wonder) without so much as a word makes you quickly realize what it means to be forsaken .

Some of my experiences are;

-        A friend became unresponsive.  Just like that!

-        A mum at my sons’ nursery (the boys were great friends and we went to his party and all) blanked me blatantly when we came upon each other in the shops (I thought ‘well, there goes any attempt from me to engage you at nursery, no point and its ok by me if that’s how it is.  I am ashamed to say I had an opportunity to blank her and I did (cos that’s how it is) – No time for time wasters.

-        I moved away and now feel distant from family and friends.  I can’t keep up with everyone like I used to.

-        I found out a group of girlfriends were meeting up without me.  I was invited to one of the events; a recurring one, by an acquaintance and discovered that my friends had all been involved for a while.  I haven’t been back to that event and I never brought it up but don’t consider myself a part of that circle anymore (not like they noticed – can you imagine!  – truly, this is ok now that I have gotten over it, I let go, I set myself free).

I have tried to put down some feelings/thoughts to describe how this can play out and wonder how many of you my dear readers  have felt/thought the same……. 

I don’t hate you or dislike you anymore, but I give up.  I love spending time with you and enjoy our moments together but honestly, I give up.  I can work with you, live with you, sing with you in the choir and all that but I know where the boundaries are, I am no longer emotionally vested in this friendship.  For how can two walk together unless they agree?  I was in agreement and so were you at some point but it’s clear that you aren’t any more.   I see it and I get it.  It’s fine.  I’ll still walk with you; I’ll do it the way you want me to.  What I won’t do is to deceive myself that things are they way I want them to be or the way they were or the way they ought to be.  Let’s just go with the flow.  I have disappointing relationships where I can’t afford to give up; for those, I have to keep trying.  But in this case, I can afford to give up.  I am allowed by God and I give myself permission.

I wish you well, I still love you, still pray for you.  We are still friends when we meet up, on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.  I still like your pics and posts etc but something has changed.  We are not as close as we used to be.

I can’t put my finger on when this happened, but I find that I am no longer interested in your day to day, we have grown that far apart.  I don’t really need to check and see how the details are playing out in your life.  Just knowing you are ok is enough for me now.  Its not like I don’t care, this gradually fell upon me from the time I discovered that you preferred it that way.  It took a while to get used to the new us.  Many times, I caught myself on the verge of picking up the phone and drew back; I knew you wouldn’t answer or even if you did, the conversation would be reluctant on your part or just ring hollow. 

What’s the point talking if all you are prepared to say is “hello” and “hi” then “bye”?  We used to share our worries and pray but you prefer to pray alone.  I know that not all prayer points are shareable, but I did not get that all prayer points could be secret.  You hide your pain so I can’t trust you with mine and you wonder why.  

News flash:  I need you not only when exciting things are happening, why are you so curious all of a sudden?  I am not news to tickle your senses neither are you mine.

I had to protect myself, what’s the point feeling hurt over the snub or distance you need?  Life is all about making choices and allowing people make their own choices too.  Wisdom is knowing the difference between when to accept and when to fight back. 

Even if we decide to fight for restoration where some relationships are concerned, the choice is not solely ours.  I hope we will all be discerning and learn to accept what people want and be OK with ourselves.  We need to be alright in times when we stand alone.

Sometimes I think God gave us our human relationships as a test we need to pass daily to make us better ,not bitter.  How else would we learn to put forgiveness and love into  practice?  Love is easy when everyone is loving but we  are called to love no matter what comes at us.Let us   try not to let the actions of others make us into what we don’t want to be; or what we are not supposed to be.

Learning to let go is hard but once you get the knack of it, it comes easy.

Zippy