Just Friends

So I was at  a surprise party the other day and someone was like “is it possible for a man and woman to  be friends without something going on?”. Basically, you know when people already have a conclusion and just want to get others to support their idea. Most of the people in the room were like, no how can that happen. Then a guy said, if I go to the cinema repeatedly  with a female,then there must be something.

I walked away from that party a bit sad that a lot of people  miss the beauty of genuine friendship  with members  of  the opposite sex under the erroneous presumption that strings must always be attached  . Yes , it is possible to be friends with a member of the opposite sex(both  of you unmarried, and perhaps searching  and have nothing going on).I have had that experience  and currently do have some male friends without altar ambitions. I have learnt a lot from such friendships. Generally for me whenever I meet a guy it doesn’t take too long to put him in one of these three boxes- no-never, maybe and yes . Seldom does a guy move from the “never”  box to a “maybe” box .Sometimes a “maybe” guy may move to “yes”  box while some “maybe” guy could  go further to a “no-never” category later.

Back in my university undergraduate days ,while in the  medical  school, I had a friend who happened to be a guy .We were in the same class and he was a nice chap with a very good heart, tall, not dark but  strikingly handsome although totally oblivious to that last fact. We shared a lot of interests and had similar values. Although in medical school, we were very business conscious and did some little bringing in money here and there. He was also a believer. Our friendship was real and never for once did he play with my emotions. He is the one  of the few guys who upheld such integrity.  We were good friends. He could call and say” Grace, I have money, I am going to Mr Biggs(an eatery), do you want to come and yes I would go sometimes when free or ask him to bring a Takeaway  and  this was reciprocal. I could  cook something really nice in my house also and ask him to come , only for him to realize I had a treat .Even my adopted sister was of the opinion the friendship was a potential . Some friends also had their own opinion of the friendship. One day someone said to me “and both of you say you are looking for someone”.

To be honest , as we got to  know each other more and I discovered who he was , he moved from the “maybe” box to the “yes” box .And I mean yes , even if you want us to go to the altar now  as students. But one day, he came visiting at my best friend’s house(of course, I had filled her ears about him).She met him  and after he left  , she gave me a great piece of advice. Like a true friend, she said “  this is a friendship you have here, enjoy it for the pureness of it and if something comes along , then fine , don’t spoil what you have by getting emotional” .

 I am glad I took that advice.It helped us have a great and lasting friendship. You see, we were such good friends that he could tell me when he was interested in a lady  and receive advice from me on how best to go about it. I also sought his advice on potential suitors. And he took my advice on what a woman would want and when he eventually met  his wife, I was able to say to her  I am genuinely happy for you and happy to release my good friend to you .But how was I able to be keep my friendship with this guy and several others without us having a heart attack when one of us decides to go into a committed relationship.

I believe that it came from the advice to enjoy a friendship and sometimes we women struggle with that because we do not want to take things the way they are. Almost everytime , we seem to be calculating when a guy is nice , is he the one to come or do we wait for another ?  It was important for me not to read every kind gesture to mean something else. You know the way we always call a girlfriend, rehearse the conversation, find love where the person said like, turn full stops to commas. Doing this will ultimately put emotional pressure on a friendship that was not meant to progress to the altar and at the end of the day, leave someone with emotional scars.

Also we can help each other by refusing to encourage insinuations and mind reading when our girlfriends come along with all the girly gist. Lovingly but firmly pointing out to them like my best friend did at that time will not only save a heartache in future but allow them to get to know what it means to be a friend to a man and so when they eventually meet “the man”, they are better equipped and appreciated.

It does take discipline to do this and guys  reading this  please be very responsible and stingy with any form of suggestive words. This guy is still my good friend today because never for once did he play with my emotions or make suggestive remarks. Be honest with your intentions, I just remembered a guy once met a friend of mine and actually said to her, “please I will like to be a friend because I don’t know how to be friends with a woman and I want to get to know how to relate with them” .My friend obliged him and they both learned . That does take a lot of sincerity, character  and discipline to do and it is not every woman that has that kind of emotional stability or self esteem to accommodate such requests.
But we really need to be careful with friends of the opposite sex especially if they have their own agenda.A female friend of a guy friend pulled up a stunt while we were in school. After a crusade in the village and everyone  returned , this lady came back to the guy’s hostel, in front of all his friends and said she forgot something in his bag. While his friends were watching, she went to the side of his travelling  bag and brought out her pants. I swear, the  guy was as amazed as you are. We definitely don’t want some friends like that! Happy Weekend

Just a friend,

Gracillis

Comments

  1. Loretta Reveals18 May 2017 at 16:44

    Good one. Self esteem and confidence with discipline is the combo needed to pull this off...especially for us Nija women who have a low threshold " for being toasted" . Any kind gesture is interpreted as "he is toasting me." Now this is not to say that many men are not predatory, however the combination above creates a less emotionally hazardous female.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous18 May 2017 at 21:08

    Nice piece. Most times friendship with the opposite sex is misinterpreted badly by our folks thereby ruining relationships.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous20 May 2017 at 13:53

    Nice piece. Well....Platonic friendship, no strings attached, just friends and all the names they go by are great and yes can work when you are a young lady or guy (teenager to somewhere around late 20 'ies') that is still trying to understand what life and the opposite sex are all about. But when older I think the focus should be more on 'the friend' 'that special one'. I will seriously question the motives of a single person(never married, divorced, etc)) in their 30's or 40's or even 50's being comfortable with a long term 'platonic' friendship

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Faith28 July 2017 at 23:59

      While some can remain just friends...lets not forget to add that some "just friends' can blossom to become true lovers & great soulmates, mine did. So don't limit urselves, follow ur heart if u feel something more, d other person might just be waiting xx

      Delete
    2. flourish6 August 2017 at 07:14

      Yes,if anything happens along the way ,and he decides this is too good to be left at Just friends, carry on ..which is what you did dearie

      Delete

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