Just In Case 2



 It has been a very hot week physically and emotionally as many have wet their pillows as they tried to find sleep to wake up from what they would have preferred remained a dream. The events in my city have caused a lot of stir in the media. Following the terrorist attack in the Manchester Arena after the concert on Monday, things have not remained the same and quite understandably so. My heart goes out to the families of those who have lost someone or had a loved one injured  in this unfortunate event and I really want to appreciate the way Mancunians rallied together to help the hurting, offering some services for free and even those who couldn’t offer something money wise were offering accommodation and a listening ear. I was really touched by people who took out time to reach out to me from different places to find out if I was safe. It is our prayer that  this kind of history will not repeat itself.
 I have decided to follow this up as I have read the several comments from my last post of “Just Friends”. This is because it is sometimes necessary to distinguish when your friendship with a member of the opposite sex is a JIC(Just in Case ) or a (JF)Just Friends) category.This is not usually very easy to do and while I am advising that both parties are open about what is going on, it is usually much easier for a female to find out what is actually taking place. The way relationships works, sometimes the female folks are more favoured to ask this but it does not really work well for the male folk to ask that question(please read post on “Just in case”).

I once had a guy hovering around me about eight years ago  and I was seriously  praying to God that he was only just being friendly. He called and checked on me severally and I politely tried to answer . I was so taken aback when one day, I called to ask after a particular film I had seen at his place I wanted to borrow. He did not answer but  he sent the same text messages to my two phones  in words best paraphrased as  “Just checking we are on the same page as I do not have any intentions of taking this relationship further” See me see wahala(trouble).When did I write an application letter ?I tell you, I was so mad , I am not sure I have gotten that angry since then but knowing myself, I just quietly deleted his numbers from my phones. Answers to prayers! I definitely was not interested but felt insulted that he  actually sent such a  message like and what really got me upset was that he did not send the message to one phone but to my two available numbers, just in case one network decides to block the message! Sometime later, maybe a month or two,  this particular guy gave me a call for the first time after that incident   on my birthday. I did not recognize his number and when I discovered who was talking, I confess that I was not very gracious. Why call to wish me a Happy Birthday. If you want to apologize, do so properly but don’t insult me and act like nothing happened .The next thing I heard was that he was getting married and everything else made sense.

While  it  might be  acceptable for a girl to ask the question so a relationship is defined, with a guy, it is a No-no, there is hardly anytime it is going to come out right. Imagine if she is not interested, you would have only just succeeded in insulting her and even if she was interested, the risk of such vulnerability will make denial a sure option. f you feel she is getting a wrong message, then slowly reduce your calls, reduce your conversation and give her space. For all you care, she may have been secretly praying like me that you should go away quietly without wanting to  hurt your feelings  and if you are asking her the question because you want to move the relationship further, then try to  start showing in definite ways your intentions and let her know you are actually interested because at the end of the day, there may be other kids on the block too and the responsibility lies on you to you  to ask for her hand in marriage.

Yes,I know that there are some men who have claimed that they would not mind if a woman proposes and gives them an engagement ring !(read this up in an article in a magazine sometime ago). I am sorry as I can’t speak for them but from the generality of my experience on planet earth and all my research on the dynamics of male and female relationships, I know that males generally love to be the “hunters” while females love to be the “hunted”  and  the truth is that not many women do well when these roles are  reversed. Somewhere at the back of our minds, we women want to know that you loved us enough to want us,chase us and do all that was necessary. A sure sign of  respect for  our friends and relationships is making sure we are not  giving misconstrued messages and putting them on an emotional roller coaster.And hey ladies, please make sure you are not wasting your time being used as a “Just in case”…….

It is a long weekend this week and if I get enough encouragements from your comments, I may just  talk more about wasting time this weekend, so feel free to share  this  post &comment right here on the blog.

Have a glorious Bank Holiday Weekend,

Gracillis

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The things I never told my Mother

Growing up for me was blissful. I had a father who would listen,  empower  and reinforce to me the fact that God fearfully and wonderfully created me. Daddy told me daily how I could be anything I wanted to be. You see, my daddy was 30 years older than my mother. He was better educated in “terms of certificates” than her and he was a greatly travelled gentleman. My mother on the flip side, was only a standard six certificate  holder, from  a more humble background but “a very intelligent woman” without the glory of “many paper certificates”.   By virtue of the gap in their background, my mother’s mantra was to beat the discipline physically, by “fire by force” into one’s body. My father would discuss with you and explain very calmly, ensuring that you understood what and why you need to make recommended changes. The two had modus operandi that were the opposite to each other.   I look back and cannot remember the one time my father hit me or ever shouted at me. However, my mo
Read more

Changing my Yes

I had hardly been months in a particular relationship and was not expecting a proposal so quickly as I had my doubts. So I was a bit taken aback when on an outing one evening, just by the car,he put one knee to the ground to ask for my hand in marriage .I was not overly excited or elated and did not give an answer until several days later .Some of my friends were happy for me and said the excitement may come later  but somehow I did not feel excited even after saying yes but  It just seemed that was the next step expected and I was also hoping that now the relationship had taken a serious turn, some of the issues I had would be addressed. The very first time I met this guy (let’s call him Kenneth ),one of the things he said to me was that “ I love truth ”. But I soon discovered that it was actually the opposite. Several times, I heard him say things that were not true and even when I accosted him, there was one excuse or the other. Another issue I experienced was the fact that I
Read more

Too Far

I wanted to write about a beautiful experience  when I first got the invitation to contribute to this blog some months ago. Something I would read, that would bring a smile to my face as I would recount the memory.   Something he did right!   Oh there must be numerous examples to be honest … but I couldn’t remember anything I could actually write about.   I knew things hadn’t been great for a while but I didn’t realist how badly we had drifted from each other, until some three weeks ago.   I was looking for a particular file on my hard-drive – I couldn’t remember the name as I had saved it about six ago.   It took ages to find but while I was searching, I stumbled across a file I didn’t recognize titled ‘My Darling’.   I opened it and it was a series of emails I had saved.   At first, I thought it was someone else’s mail because I didn’t remember writing the things I was reading, and these exchanges sounded pretty intense.   She couldn’t wait to get to her desk at work to send
Read more